16 Oct The Narcissist from a Solicitors perspective
Narcissistic personality disorder (one of several types of personality disorder) is a mental condition in which people have an inflated sense of their own importance, a deep need for excessive attention and admiration, troubled relationships, and a lack of empathy for others.
For the record, I am not a psychiatrist; I can only use my experience, judgement and (most importantly) instructions and the history of events to challenge this type of behaviour because – as sure as night follows day – the perpetrator does not hold up a big sign saying, ‘this is what I am.’ They are not going to tell anyone that they are a perpetrator or that they have the above tendencies.
When we are born, we are not given a handbook that explains this type of behaviour to us.
I have been asked, “how do you deal with this type of behaviour?” Well, firstly, you need to know how to use the Law to protect the client from the perpetrator.
It is not easy. They (the perpetrator) will go to whoever he or she can find that will listen to them: they will spin their story until all avenues are closed, all disclosures are made where the pattern of behaviour occurs and the case is over.
Whether you are part of a legal team, or on your own, the denial is very draining.
I think one of the most painful things for clients is when they hear stories about themselves from others who they considered were their friends: the pain, the heartache, the playground gossip when collecting their children from school and seeing people together in groups, pointing the finger.
Then, there is the explanation to the family…
The perpetrator may post something hurtful on social media, and this could be when the client is feeling at their most vulnerable, i.e. at night or over the weekend.
Will it ever stop? The answer is it will. From the victim’s perspective, it is best to only confide in a few people. It takes two to play a game; it is important that you do not show your hurt and pain because this is exactly what the narcissist feeds off. Remember, the perpetrator does not hear you crying or screaming at night.
“If the narcissist can see that your confidence has gone, it is like giving a steak to a hungry person.”
The other issue to consider is that many people do not understand the victim’s perspective because they have never experienced anything like that.
Support and quick action are needed to ensure that all the avenues are closed off.
Most of the fear comes when the person is feeling helpless. I understand the triggers that spark this fear; I understand what people go though in these situations – the self-doubt and the need to rebuild their self-confidence.
Quick action is needed to stem the tide.
Don’t suffer alone with the narcissist, get expert help to help you through.